WHAT MY FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE HAS TAUGHT ME…
My husband and I are celebrating our first year of marriage in 3 weeks. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were reading our wedding vows in front of our closest friends and family. Some of you reading this will completely agree with the things you are about to read in this blog, and some of you will think I’m totally wrong. That’s okay. That’s the beauty of relationships and lessons we learn. We are all different. These are the things I’ve learned over the past year and the things we’ve experienced. Take it with a grain of salt, if you will! This next part in my blog is not to make anyone feel sorry for us, or put us on a pedestal. I just want to share some things that you may want to consider in the future.
With marriage comes pure unconditional love, many moments of laughter, a handful of tears shed (okay, maybe more than a handful this year) and many challenges. This year for us has been tough. Amazing but tough. Emotionally, financially, mentally and physically.
With our first year of marriage also came our first year of being homeowners. While you can somewhat prepare financially for becoming a homeowner, the cost of living really doesn’t hit you until you’re actually having to fork the money out. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t eat KD every night and freeze out butts off without a furnace. But little things you don’t account to happen…. inevitably always happen. Like when we found out at 11pm on a Tuesday evening that our hot water tank decided to stop working and seeped into our bedroom. We are now currently set up with our bedroom in our downstairs living room as I have a husband who is unable to do some renovations yet…
Which leads me into our challenge, the physical one. My husband broke his leg, (Tibia to be exact) in the middle of May. For those of you who know him, know that he is a very active person who can never sit still. He LOVES to work, tinker around the yard and work on old trucks. You know, manly stuff. He basically never sits still. Living on an acreage has been challenging because I usually take care of inside of the house and the garden (PINK JOBS) while he takes care of the outside of the house and BBQ’ing (BLUE JOBS). He does the yard work and takes care of the maintenance aspect of things. Without the help our our amazing family and friends, we would have never survived these past 2 months alone! Thankfully the leg is on the mend and he has become a lot more mobile. Who knew how much a husband really does!!!! I learned a lot of things really quickly, except how to BBQ. He does a great job at that, and I refuse to learn. Sorry hunny.
Naming only 2/10 events that have happened to us this year, is a good start as to why marriage can be hard. I’m not going to go on and name the other 8 things that have happened to us, because thats not the point of this blog. Life throws challenges at you. And it will for the rest of your life. Marriage needs a strong foundation of love, strength, patience, trust and desire to get through these challenges. You both need the right attitude to push (or sometimes pull) each other through these times. In the end, all we have is each other. So love every moment with each other. Here are some of the most important things I learned this year:
#1. Patience. One thing that I’ve never had much of. If you know my father, you know I inherited this trait from him. The man I married on the other hand is the definition of patience. Love, relationships and life take so much dedication, work and being patient with each other. Love is not a fountain, nor has it ever been. Love is a well. You are going to have to work hard for it and be patient and swallow your damn pride if you truly want it. This past year has been such a learning experience for both of us. Who are we kidding? We have never done this before, we don’t know what we are doing. We both have taken time to make allowance for each others faults. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if he hangs his clothes on the railing or if I leave a soaking wet dish clothes in the sink. All that matters is that we work together to improve each others faults instead of picking them apart. Realizing what bugs a person is the biggest consideration you can learn, and try to improve on. I learned that I would take dirty clothes on a railing any day as long as it means I have you. Pick your battles, and be patient with the ones you don’t decide to pick.
#2. Time. Make time for each other, every single day. Often times we get so consumed with our own lives that we forget to ask how each others day was, what they did at work or spend 1 hour of no TV, phones or interruptions with each other. We’re all guilty as charged. As small of a task as that seems, it makes such a difference in a relationship. A few months back, we were out with some friends. I was listening to Darcy talk about his day and something that happened a few weeks ago. I have never heard that story in my life. How did I miss such a big part of his week? I felt like the worst wife in the world. I missed it because I didn’t take the time to ask. It is now something that I make apart of my daily routine. I always ask how his day was. It may not be the most important conversation we need to have at that exact moment, but it makes the world a difference. We’re in this together. Set aside a date night, or 1 hour of each of your evenings to just spend with each other. It will be worth it, I promise!
#3. Fight. It’s okay to fight, but learn to fight fair. I have never met anyone who has said marriage is easy. And if you think it is, you must be part of some sort of Disney fairytale. Marriage is something you have to work at. Every. Single. Day. I truly believe arguing is healthy but fighting is not. I’ve learned that crying, swearing, walking away or hanging up the phone only adds fuel to the fire. It’s only going to be a matter of time before it burns you both in the long run. Before you knit pick or get worked up, ask yourself is this working fighting for? Some battles are, but a lot of them are not. Be fair to each other. If you knock each other down, lend a hand to pick them up. And always make up. Making up is coming to the realization that your relationship is more important than your differences. It involves acts of forgiveness and acceptance of each others mistakes.
#4. Change. You will spend the rest of your life learning about each other and the rest of your life changing. Whether you know it or not, everyone and everything changes. The question is, whether you can adapt and change together, or accept each others changes. That’s the awesome part about marriage. How cool is it that you get to spend the rest of your life learning new things about someone who you know the most in your life? Eventually, we will have kids, maybe move houses once or twice or move across the world, loose loved ones, change jobs or even careers, set new goals and dreams and we get to do it together. All those things, will change who you are and will change who your spouse is. Adapting to change together is so important. Acknowledge change, and move forward. Everything happens for a reason.
#5. Laugh. NEVER stop laughing. Even when your sad. Laughter is the best medicine for love. I could be laying on the floor sobbing for hours but when you have a husband who can make you laugh within seconds… it fixes every little problem in the world in that moment.
#6. Strength. Sometimes life will throw you curve balls. Expect them. When everything is starts going good, it will happen. Those moments where you don’t think you can be strong, prove yourself wrong. You need to be strong for you, your spouse and your family. Even if they don’t show it, they may need it more than you. Strength grows in the moments when you think you can’t go on but you keep going anyway. Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? Thats called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Don’t give up.
If you made it to the end, thank you for reading! I would love to hear your biggest challenges, lessons learned + thoughts!
