I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Scared is actually an understatement as I approach the last week before our little boy is due. I’m terrified but I also feel incredibly grateful to have this experience again. I’m feeling every emotion possible right now. I’ve done this before. Why do I seem so much more worried this time around? Maybe it’s the hormones. But it’s probably real feelings every mother experiences before bringing her second child into the world. Because we know. We have been there. We have survived. Somedays, barely. Other days, we nailed it. But we did it. We know what to expect this time around with one, but if we struggled to raise one child, how on earth can we raise two? Three? Six? How do we split our attention?
With Weston, I was scared. But it was mostly fear of the unknown. Everything I didn’t know about becoming a mother, coparenting with my husband or all the extremely hard but equally wonderful long days we would be faced with. I didn’t know what to expect. I was naive. I didn’t listen to the stories people told me or the advice they willingly offered up. I didn’t believe people when they told me the struggles because they never told me the successes. They made it sound so hard and I didn’t want to believe that. I didn’t understand. I rarely asked for help or admitted that I was struggling. I thought that meant I was weak and incapable of being a good mother. I will admit, I still struggle to ask for help. I feel an imence amount of guilt. And I have absolutely no reason to feel that way. We figured things out quickly though. We learned to survive on no sleep. Mastered the art of rocking, swaying and patting. And all those little things we’ve quickly forgotten about, we will soon relearn once again.
As we approach the last week before my due date, I can’t help but wonder what life will be like as a mother of two? How can I possibly split my love and attention between two? Will I be enough for both of them? How can I juggle the needs of a newborn at the same time as chasing after a busy little toddler? Will I change? Will I be a good wife? Will I still be able to run my business? Still have hobbies and do the things I enjoy? When Weston came into this world, I said I could never love anyone as much as I love him. And while at the time I truly believed those thoughts, I know once I meet our second it will instantly be the same kind of love I have for Weston. And my heart will make room for them both equally.
I already love this little one so much, and we haven’t even officially met. I’m anxious to finally see him and watch him grow into the amazing person he will be. What he will look like. How big and joyful his personality will be. I can’t wait for him to meet so many people who are going to love him for a lifetime to come. And bring him into this family and home we have built together. This last week will be full of so many emotions, feelings and thoughts. I did it once, I know I can do it again. I may be a little more relaxed, not as worried but still every bit as excited as the first time around. I’ll be spending my last few days loving on my little boy and enjoying our time together before life changes for all of us soon and I learn to survive life with two.
A few of my favourite images from our maternity session with the amazing Kara Rohl Photography.
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