If you follow my blog regularly, I’m sure you will know what the past 6 months of life have brought my husband and I and our families. I find life a crazy and unpredictable roller coaster that you really don’t ever know where it will take you or what is in store for us. In October, I went through such heartbreak and sadness of miscarrying my first pregnancy. Something that I wanted more than anything I’ve ever wanted in the entire world. At the time, I thought nothing in the world would ever feel the same again and I would never be able to be myself and be truly happy after what I experienced. Although I will never get the chance to meet our angel baby, I can always dream of the person he/she would have become. I may not have ever known our angel baby, but you will always have a place in our hearts, thoughts and our family.
Like I said, life is an unpredictable roller coaster. A complete surprise to my husband and I, I found myself pregnant again the following month. I found out just before the christmas season, what better news to end one of the worst years of our life. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. Never in a million years did I think it was possible for a women’s body to recuperate as quickly as mine did. I remember sitting at home, alone while my husband was at work. I thought for a few weeks before that I should take a test, but I didn’t want that heart break of a negative response. It hurts, especially when a child is all you’ve ever wanted. I’m sure many women can relate to me who want a family, a negative pregnancy test makes for a heavy heart and many tears. I gathered up the confidence and took a test. I sat there waiting for the response but the suspense was killing me. I left and came back 5 minutes later. I instantly started crying. I was in complete shock. It was positive. How was this even possible? My instant reaction was to start balling happy tears, but I stopped myself this time. I wasn’t going to get my hopes up until it was confirmed and we were farther along.
I called my doctor immediately and went for blood work and to confirm the pregnancy in the office that afternoon. Positive on all ends. Darcy tried calling me 3 times while I was waiting for blood work. I didn’t want to tell him, or get his hopes up until I could confirm it. Once I got home that afternoon, I wrapped up my pregnancy test and put it under the christmas tree. I swear, to this day this was the best christmas gift I could have ever asked for. When he opened it, he was in shock. He wrapped his arms around me and we just stood there holding each other. How were we going to go through this again? We are still grieving and overcoming what the last two months had brought us. That day, was by far one of the happiest of our lives. We both had a positive feeling about this, and knew this was finally going to be the start of our family together. We were going to have our rainbow baby, that was going to be blessing us near our two year anniversary!
19 weeks in, I am sitting here writing this blog post with a full heart and so many dreams of what kind of child we will raise, who they will become and how they will change the world. I couldn’t ask for a healthier (sickness included) pregnancy or a better experience to go through. Although fear is still always in the back of my head, positive vibes from my family and friends are what keeps me sane. I dream about meeting our baby every single night and dream about finally becoming a family. I dream of Darcy with our baby, knowing that I married the absolute perfect person to start a family with. He is already the best dad and he hasn’t even met you yet. He has so much love and care for you.
As my body is slowly changing and the hormones are flowing, I am forever thankful and grateful for the power of thinking what’s meant to be will always find its way. In life’s most heartbreaking moments and times of thinking nothing good will ever happen, I hope you think of our story. Good things are coming your way, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now. Your struggles and prayers will be answered. Some just take longer than others. Stay positive and believe in hope. Your time is coming, I promise!
As for questions I have had regarding my photography business, I still have full intention of keeping my growing business. I unfortunately did have to refer 5 weddings this year due to the timing of our new addition, but I am confident in the referrals and know my clients are in good hands. I will still be taking new wedding bookings for 2018/2019 but will no longer be booking anymore 2017 weddings. I am going to take a break to enjoy my time with my family from July-October and l will start shooting weddings again in October.
Thank you for taking the time to read this crazy journey from heartbreak to happiness <3
Photograph by RedBloom Photography